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In Romans 1:18-23, the apostle Paul observes that God is deeply concerned about what happens when people willingly turn away from what He as Creator has revealed about Himself in nature.

According to Paul, those who turn away from a grateful relationship with their Creator are likely to worship what has been created. The result is a long list of attitudes and actions by which persons show their lack of relationship with God, while harming themselves and one another in the process (1:29-32).

In the middle of this chapter, Paul makes some very strong statements about same-gender sexual relationships. Before emphasizing even more damaging forms of evil, Paul shows how confused people become when they begin to look for life and satisfaction in a fallen creation rather than in the design of their Creator. So he writes of those who turn their backs on God,

“Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen. Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion” (Romans 1:24-27).

It’s important to understand that in Paul’s day,¹ homosexual behavior was recognized as “against nature” by the most universally admired school of pagan philosophy—the Stoics.² Under inspiration of God, Paul therefore saw that same-sex eroticism physically illustrates both the nature and the effects of sin on a culture and its individuals.

Because even pagans recognized the design of masculine and feminine distinction,³ and because common people could see that same-sex intercourse is “against nature,” Paul wrote that the confusion and misuse of gender (Romans 1:26) violates the purpose of sexuality on the basis of natural evidences alone. Paul’s use of such expressions as “the degrading of their bodies” (v.24), “shameful lusts” (v.26), and “indecent acts” (v.27) emphasizes its unnaturalness.

On the basis of the consequences of acting against nature (“received in themselves the due penalty,” v.27), same-sex unions were selected by Paul as a vivid physical example of spiritual sins that confuse, twist, and distort a wide range of heart issues (1:29-31).⁴

1. For Paul, same-sex intercourse was not just a dishonoring of gender dispositions, much less of cultural conventions, but a dishonoring of gendered “bodies” through a disregard of the visible physical (and functional) difference of men and women (Romans 1:24). Further, same-sex intercourse is comparable to idolatry in its deliberate suppression of the visible evidence in creation for the attributes of the true Creator (Romans 1:18-23). (Gagnon, The Bible and Homosexual Practice, p. 378) Back To Article
2. Here is an example of a Hellenistic Stoic’s view of homosexual behavior, quoted from Gagnon’s The Bible and Homosexual Practice, pp. 165-66:
   

   But of all sexual relations those involving adultery are most unlawful, and no more tolerable are those involving males with males, because the daring and flagrant act is contrary to nature (para physin; XII). (Quotation from first-century Stoic philosopher Musonius Rufus.) Back To Article

3. In Romans 1:24-27, Paul is not appealing to the stories and laws of Scripture—which he could not assume that Gentiles had knowledge of—but he is appealing to “empirical observation of what actually exists” inasmuch as “the world designed by God” still showed the marks of the Creator’s hand. This was true of the grandeur of the created world and was true as well of the anatomical and procreative complementarity of male and female. Hays is correct that “nature” in the sense used by Paul here does not embrace everything that existed as a good. Some things that are innate, such as many of “the desires of the human heart,” listed in 1:24-31, have been skewed by the fall and are not safe indicators of God’s intention for human sexuality. However, in the anatomical and procreative complementarity of male and female, empirical observation of what is, and intuitive understanding of what ought to be, merge because the fall did not obliterate this physical and functional aspect of human sexuality. The Stoics too appealed to empirical observation of sexual differences between men and women as a way of determining right behavior.” (Gagnon, The Bible and Homosexual Practice, p. 255) Back To Article
4. The context for Paul’s strong language regarding same-sex intercourse “finds parallels not only in the level of disgust towards same-sex intercourse exhibited by other Jewish writers of the period but also in the responses to homosexual behavior in Paul’s Scripture: the narratives of homosexual rape (Ham, the men of Sodom, and the Benjamites at Gibeah) as examples of the zenith of detestable behavior; the intense revulsion against homosexual cult prostitutes manifested in Deuteronomic and Deuteronomistic texts; the special attachment of the label ‘abomination’ to all male homosexual intercourse in the Levitical prohibitions; and possibly the unmentionable character of same-sex intercourse in Ezekiel, who refers to such behavior only by the metonym ‘abomination.’ ” (The Bible and Homosexual Practice, pp. 268-69) Back To Article

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Generally, most people don’t start out choosing to feel sexual attraction for persons of the same sex.¹This doesn’t necessarily mean that people are born with these desires. Instead, same-gender attractions usually develop out of a combination of factors in a person’s background, often without a person being aware of when and why the desires came about.

Many studies and personal accounts suggest that same-gender sexual attractions often emerge in a context where children feel unaccepted by their same-sex parent. Whether it’s real or perceived, those who eventually feel sexual attractions for the same gender didn’t feel loved by or identify with their same-gender parent. What also frequently shows up in their stories are childhood sexual experiences with the same gender where they felt a strong yet rare sense of love. When these factors are combined, they can confuse emotionally starved children or adolescents about their sexual orientation.

Whether this process of sexual confusion has happened through sexual abuse or peer experimentation, the result is that, while growing up, their God-given desire to feel loved and approved by persons of the same sex were only experienced within a sexual context. Such rare times of feeling loved creates the misunderstanding that they have been destined to fill their desire for same-gender love and approval through sexual interaction. Therein lies the root of the confusion that has deceived countless individuals into feeling sexually attracted to the same gender (See the ATQ article, I Feel Same-Sex Attractions: Does This Mean I’m Gay?).

While sexual desires for those of the same sex are not initially chosen, those who do experience these attractions eventually find themselves faced with a different choice. In general terms, they can either try to understand and confront the misunderstanding behind their sexual attractions, or they can accept and embrace their confusion as if it was their natural identity. With help from God and His people, those who choose to understand and confront the misperceptions behind same-sex attraction are most likely to heal from the wounds that led to unnatural desires. This choice will in time allow them to live more as the man or woman God created them to be and to be open to healthy, nonsexual relationships with the same gender (See the ATQ article, How Do I Deal with My Same-Sex, Physical Attractions to Other Men?). The other choice (accepting the confusion) keeps an individual from discovering God’s design for men and women and usually compels them to give in to their abnormal passions. This is what the Bible refers to as the sin of homosexuality (See the ATQ article, What Is the Sin of Homosexuality?).

1. Some adults (who never felt sexual desire for the same sex) can become so spent in a sexually promiscuous heterosexual lifestyle that out of desperation they willingly experiment with homosexual behavior with the hope of finding their next “high.” And like any addiction, the more they choose to indulge in the behavior, the more they will crave it. These are likely some of the people the Apostle Paul had in mind when he wrote:
   

   “Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more” (Ephesians 4:19). Back To Article

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Paul’s purpose for telling young women to be pure, self-controlled,and keepers of their home is found in the last part of the verse, “so that no one will malign the Word of God.” How can responsible Christian women honor God in our culture? How do we make decisions for our family that will not make a mockery of our faith? What does it mean to be a keeper of the home? Is being busy at home a command that transcends time and culture? Is it a part of our God-given role to stay at home? Or is it a cultural standard?

There seem to be no clear-cut answers to these questions, but there is an overriding principle that must guide our decisions and actions. We must live our lives blameless before God and the world. We must not do anything that would be negligent or irresponsible, thus subjecting ourselves to criticism that would reflect poorly on Christ. Our actions should put our Lord in a good light, not cast a shadow.

How can a woman keep her home in such a way that reflects well upon her Lord? A woman who is following God’s leading in her life,using her talents and gifts for His ultimate glory, is a woman who is God-honoring. What kinds of things would weaken my testimony as a woman of God? A home that is in a constant state of chaos and disarray. Children with no supervision or care. Out-of-control spending and debt. Great dissension within the home. Disrespect between husband and wife and children.

In a culture that at times demands two-income homes, should women of today be held solely responsible for being the managers of their homes in the same way that the New Testament women were? Or is being a keeper of the home a joint-effort between husband and wife if both work outside the home? Sometimes we get stuck on the question “Who should work outside the home?” when reading Scripture and we fail to realize that there is a higher purpose involved.The higher calling is to protect the Word of God. The primary question to consider is not whether women should work outside of the home, it’s “Are our homes reflecting well on the Lord?”

Foundations To Build Your Home On

The following principles are a foundation upon which to build our homes — homes that will honor Christ and be a testimony to the world.

First, God has established the family to be a reflection of Christ and the church (Ephesians 5:21-6:4). Our homes need to mirror the unity and love of Christ. Our love for our families must be sacrificial, just as Christ’s love is sacrificial. He left His throne and sacrificed His life for us, and we are to emulate that kind of humility and sacrifice in our homes. We are to submit to, exhort, and most importantly, love one another (1 Corinthians 13 , Ephesians 5:22 , Hebrews 3:13). Love must guide our decisions as we relate to God, our families, and our world.

Second, God is our provider for our physical, emotional, and spiritual needs (Psalm 23:1; 34:10 ; Matthew 6:28-34 ; James 1:17). If we are doing our best to provide for our family’s needs, we can count on God to fill in the gaps. God will provide for the unique needs of each family.

Third, God says He will be a father to the fatherless (Psalm 68:5). If you are a single parent, you have added stress because you are trying to fill the role of both parents in the home. You may feel that you have an impossible task before you. But God will lighten your burden in foreseeable ways by protecting, guiding, and providing for you and your children.

Key Points To Remember

As you make the decision whether to work outside the home, keep these things in mind:

1. Prioritize your life. Make a list of your commitments (i.e., family,financial, etc.) in the order of their importance, with your family at the top. The real needs of your family should be taken care of before lesser pursuits (Proverbs 31:10-31). Make sure your priorities are in line with Scripture, then base your decision on this list of priorities.Give prayerful consideration to your family’s financial situation. Develop a budget that will work for you, and make changes where necessary. If you try, can you meet your financial obligations on one income? (Suggested readings: The Tightwad Gazette or the Frugal Gazette Web site.)

2. Decide on what you consider to be “quality” child care. Undoubtedly, no day-care center can provide the love and care that you can. However, this does not mean that day care cannot give your child a nurturing environment. Take time to observe and select an environment where your values will be upheld and instilled in your children. Working moms and dads need to provide their children with the best care while they are away from home. Research shows that early infant stimulation and interactions have a profound impact on development of emotions and skills (Newsweek, Summer 1997, How To Build A Baby’s Brain, p.28). It is important, therefore, to choose care for your child that will promote emotional and intellectual growth.

3. Utilize the resources of your extended family. Would a grandmother or grandfather be willing and able to care for your child at little or no cost? We may be living in a time where we will rediscover the value of extended family and how relatives can come together and help one another, working for the good of the family.

4. Look for flexibility within your present employment. Can you or your husband seek alternative work options? Your schedules may be able to work together so that one of you is home with the children most of the time. Flextime, job-sharing, and work-at-home jobs are options that may create more flexibility in your schedules and allow you to be able to spend more time with your children.

5. Investigate other means of income that would fit your needs and allow you to work out of your home, creating more time to devote to your children. (Suggested reading: Women Leaving The Workplace by Larry Burkett.)

6. Use the time that you have with your children to its fullest. When you are home with the children, let them know that this time is for them. Turn the TV off and go for a nature walk, read books, talk to your kids, listen to music. Let the dishes go! Or include your children in daily chores around the house to teach them responsibility and the importance of work. Invest in your children with the time that you do have.

7. Take time out for yourself and, if you are married, your spouse. Quiet time is a precious commodity when you are raising a family. Even if it means the children have an earlier bedtime, be sure you take time to invest in your spiritual, emotional, and mental well-being. Setting time boundaries can help your children learn the importance of relationships and respecting others’ needs.

8. Remember that you are not alone. If you are married, rely on your husband for his contribution to the management of your household. Divide the chores and home duties with your husband and your children. Seek the support of other women who are in the same situation. Talk about your struggles with one another. Bible study groups, books, and other resources are available for working moms.

If you have determined that it is impossible to make ends meet on one income, and you have taken steps to provide the best care for your children, you may continue to have feelings of sadness and disappointment. You may feel a sense of loss over not being with your children. You can experience God’s peace as you nurture your relationship with Him through prayer and meditation on His Word (Romans 8:6). And you can be comforted in the fact that, as you seek God first, He will give you the desires of your heart (Psalm 37:4).

Every family is different. God has set up the structure for the family, but His detailed working plan may look different for each family. Although the plans may be different, our goal is the same — to bring glory to the Lord. His plan may be for you to contribute to the financial welfare of your family. His plan may be that you find other employment so that you can spend more time with your children. Or God may be asking you to step out of the work force entirely. Be open to His leading in your life and His will. Ask Him for direction, strength, and wisdom. Do your best with what you have and trust God for the outcome.

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Because of that, the Bible tells us to deal with our bitterness so that it won’t take root and destroy an already fragile relationship (Hebrews 12:15).  All of us are susceptible to bitterness, but God can transform our hearts. We can admit what’s going on inside us and, with God’s help, change from a heart of hostility to one of humility and care for your stepchildren in spite of their cold stares and defiance.

God is compassionate and cares deeply about the state of our hearts. He knows that we can’t uproot the bitterness on our own; we need Him to help us replace it with a soft heart towards our stepchildren.

Love is the answer to bitterness. You may wince at the thought of loving your stepchildren at this point. You may feel that you’ve been trying so hard and it hasn’t gotten you very far. The kind of love that the Bible talks about, though, doesn’t always include warm feelings. Biblical love is truthful, courageous, strong and always does what’s in the best interest of the other, even when love isn’t reciprocated (1 Corinthians 13:4-8). The good news from the Bible is that when we feel that we’ve given our best shot and we come up short, we can go to the source of love, God Himself and ask Him to fill us with more of His love. We can love because He loved us first (Romans 5:5; 1 John 4:19).

Because love without truth is artificial, it’s essential that we’re honest and look at the relationship with our stepchildren for what it is (1 Corinthians 13:6). We need to be upfront about the ways they’ve hurt us and how we’ve responded to that pain. We need also to be honest about the limitations of the relationship with them. Because of their wounds, they may be unable or unwilling to form the close bond with you that you desire with them. Exposing our hearts to these truths can inevitably lead us to either bitterness or sorrow.

Healthy sorrow leads to change (2 Corinthians 7:9-11). Not necessarily a change in the status of our relationships, but a change from a cold and bitter heart to one that is tender and open to God and to your stepchildren. When we feel sorrow over how we’ve been hurt, we can call out to God and trust He will care for us and heal our wounds.  We no longer have to take matters into our own hands and handle our pain with bitterness and revenge. And when we repent for the ways we’ve hurt others, we’re more likely to extend to our stepchildren the love, grace and mercy that God has given us (Luke 7:47).

Another part of love is being able to genuinely look at the situation from your stepchildren’s point of view. In their eyes, you may be the one who has dashed all hope of their mom and dad getting back together. You stand in the way of uninterrupted time with their biological parent. And it’s likely that they feel disloyal to their biological parent if they get close to you. These feelings are confusing to children and often they react by pushing a stepparent away.

When you go to God for help, pray for your stepchildren, too, keeping their unique needs in mind. This is one of the most powerful and loving things we can do for them (Ephesians 6:18; 1 Thessalonians 5:17; James 5:13, 16).  They are hurting and wounded people, as we are, and they need our understanding, love and mercy, just as we need God’s.

It also takes wisdom to deal with this kind of situation where two completely different perspectives clash with one another. The Bible tells us that if we ask God for wisdom, He’ll give it to us (James 1:5). We need wisdom to know what works and doesn’t work with our stepchildren. If your involvement in their lives is met with defiance, you may need to back up a little and readjust what you’re doing. Learn what speaks to them and doesn’t make them feel uncomfortable or threatened.¹ If kissing them goodnight makes them feel uncomfortable, then it’s right to stop. If gifts you buy them sit in their closet unopened or unused, then it may be wise to use your money elsewhere.

The battle with bitterness comes and goes. Some days will be better than others. But if you cling to God and know that He can turn your bitterness into a deeper love, you can accept the relationship with your stepchild for what it is now, even though it’s far from what you deeply desire. Prayer, honesty, and reliance on God for His love and wisdom can help shift your focus from having an “ideal” relationship to one of loving our stepchildren in spite of their responses. We can begin to know the joy and peace of humbly trusting in God and watching Him work in our lives and theirs.

1. Your actual presence most likely threatens your stepchildren, which you can’t change. If stepparents do their part by respecting their stepchildren, then the stepchildren also need to do their part by respecting the relationship you have with their mom or dad. The biological parent (your spouse) can help the situation by positioning you as his or her equal in the home, and as an adult who deserves respect. Back To Article

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As much as they’d like to, parents can’t completely protect their children from all negative influences. ¹ Nor are there any guarantees that children will choose the right path in life. However, there are ways that a parent can help a child develop a strong moral conscience in spite of value differences with the other parent.

The starting point in nurturing your child’s conscience is to model morality. It’s not so much what parents tell their children about how to live, but what parents do that makes the most significant impact on them. Be the kind of person you want your children to be. Live a Christ-centered life — a life of truth, love, and trust in God ( 1 Peter 2:21 , 1 Corinthians 11:1 ; Titus 2:6-8 ). And when you fall short of these standards, don’t be too proud to ask your child for forgiveness. Kids often learn more from a parent’s asking for forgiveness than from a parent’s attempts to be “perfect.”

As you try to be a good example for your children, also prepare them to handle future circumstances they may face in the other parent’s home. Acknowledge that these situations are opportunities for growth and building good character. For example help your children see how some secular videos fail to support biblical values such as love, purity, and responsibility. Avoid lecturing them and bad-mouthing the other parent, but patiently help your children think through the issues they will face and the choices they may have to make in the years to come ( Proverbs 22:6 , 1 Thessalonians 5:14 ).

Not only is it important to proactively prepare your children for future situations, it is equally important to use teachable moments in everyday life to reinforce appropriate behavior. Deuteronomy 6:5-7 says, “Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” Ordinary moments with your children such as having dinner, doing yard work, or reading a bedtime story can present opportunities to instill the right values in your children.

Setting age-appropriate rules and consequences in your own home will reinforce good values. Explain the reasons behind the rules (based on biblical values) and make clear the consequences of wrong behavior. For example, lying should not be overlooked. It should be addressed and appropriate consequences enforced. By experiencing the consequences of his actions, a child realizes he needs to change his behavior or attitude. This ongoing training will continue to instill moral values in his conscience ( Proverbs 13:24 ).

Parents should not only point out when children do wrong, but they should also acknowledge and praise children for making right choices ( Proverbs 12:25 ). Applauding your child’s positive behavior strengthens a sense of right and wrong and motivates him to continue doing the right thing.

Nurture a healthy relationship with your children by spending time with them and listening to them. Parents who take time to sincerely hear their children give them a sense of value. It tells them they are loved and that their thoughts and feelings are important. Children pick up the values of the people whose love they feel. Jesus affirmed spending time with children when He said to His disciples, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these” ( Matthew 19:14 ).

Although ex-spouses may have completely different values, when you model a Christ-centered life and teach through love and discipline, your child will see a significant difference between your home and the other parent’s home. Pray earnestly that over time, the child will see the benefits of living a moral life.

1. This article is not addressing cases of child abuse, such as sexual or physical abuse or exposing children to pornography. It is a parent’s responsibility to report such damaging and illegal activities to the police or local children’s protective services. Back To Article

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